Throughout
my career as a journalist, I have happened across many interesting sights,
smells and experiences that have enriched my life. However, the most refreshing was my visit to the isolated island of Router. I had
the pleasure of meeting the fascinating people who call themselves the “Techs”.
Curt in talk but cordial in nature, they eagerly introduced me to their
religion and as a student of the world, I listened.
One
aspect of the Tech people’s religion is their scripture. Written in the special
language of Binary, they write repetitive symbols resembling the ones
and zeroes of the English language. How close the symbols are to one another
form complex messages. The sacred text of the Techs includes the myth of the
deity Da Inn Ternet, the god of knowledge. It is believed that Da Inn Ternet was
the entity responsible for gifting the Techs with the ability to stop thinking
by providing them with his own knowledge. This led to the Techs’ ability to
create an easier life for themselves. According to the scripture, the Techs
would have been completely hopeless without Da Inn Ternet. In lieu of this concept, the Techs have dedicate
a holy period to Da Inn Ternet called “Ev Ree” day. In this day, Techs are to
do absolutely nothing except to give thanks to Da Inn Ternet.
I also learned
about rituals. Since the religion lacks sacred worshiping grounds such as
temples, they make up for it through frequency of rituals. One that was
constantly performed during my stay required the aid of a square digital
apparatus they called “Tee Vee”. The Tee Vee is a symbol of the amazing
knowledge bestowed on the Techs by Da Inn Ternet. This ritual was commonly performed with company, usually an entire
family unit. Potato chips and sodas are the sacred food brought to the
ceremony. Despite eating and drinking—the means of demonstrating happiness
for Da Inn Ternet—the ritual is otherwise performed wordlessly. I once
tried to comment on the marksmanship for the Tee Vee, but I was hushed and
glared at before devoted eyes swung to the apparatus once more. The Tee Vee
ritual was the most common but also the most lengthy, resulting in hours upon
hours of intense staring and mindless eating.
One of the most
important parts of a budding Tech’s life is the rite of passage. This rite is
commonly initiated when a young girl or boy gains a significant amount of
weight as a result from the Tee Vee ritual. Seen as the ultimate sign of
devotion from a child, the young one is ready to demonstrate a trial of
adulthood. He or she is placed into a chair and given a test: to sit for
an entire month and do nothing else except watching Tee Vee. The
parents of the child will occasionally check in during this time and must refill
the child’s desires of potato chips and soda at request. When the time is over,
the parents embrace their child and celebrate with an extra dose of high-calorie
foods. This rite of passage is commonly ended when eye drops are administered to soothe strained eyes from the Tee Vee ritual.
Magic is also a
great part of a Tech’s life. Using miniature devices of Tee Vees called Labb
Topse, Da Inn Ternet is summoned through elaborate displays of screen-staring
and finger tapping on the surface of the devices. A Tech is then able to
inquire Da Inn Ternet about anything his or her heart desires. I was urged to
be a part of this magic and despite my initial trepidation, I decided to give
it a try. I asked a question I knew the answer to as a test. To my great surprise, Da Inn Ternet
correctly answered how many planets exist in our solar system and even elaborated on specifics about pluto being a dwarf
planet. I came to find that Da Inn Ternet was a very wise entity indeed. It
became apparent how Da Inn Ternet gifted his people with the luxury
to not think anymore through his large expanse of knowledge and information.
There are
no priests but the powerful religious specialist of the Techs are
respectfully titled “IT Guye”. Whenever the magical portal to Da Inn Ternet is
severed with the demise of a Labb Topse, the IT Guye uses special magical
knowledge to reconnect the spiritual and physical world once more. The family
unit then bestows the IT Guye with gifts of gratitude, usually entailing a
hefty sum of potato chips and soda. The IT Guye gratefully accepts and
heads home to perform his own ritual of appreciation through a lengthy Tee Vee ritual.
Although Techs
dutifully worship the entire span of their lives, they have great excitement
for the afterlife. According to the scripture, the ultimate goal of a Tech is
to waste enough time to earn the ultimate respect from Da Inn
Ternet. The entrance to the afterlife is a symbol of having repayed Da
Inn Ternet’s great gift of knowledge by living a long life of obedient worship
and sluggish mind.
A last important
element of the Tech religion that I should mention are the taboos. As an
ignorant visitor, I was fiercely chastised for talking about my travels. I
didn’t realize until later that it is an abhorrent sin to talk about any part
of your life without mentioning Da Inn Ternet. The one note of comfort I will
add is that the Techs are so absorbed in the Labb Topse and Tee Vee
rituals that they rarely resort to violence other than a disgruntled stare.
Because of my
thought-provoking time in the island of Router and the wonderful Techs that
reside there, I recommend travelers to visit. There is nothing more eye-opening
than learning about a new people and culture. However much I greatly value my ability to think, I have only great things to
credit the Techs, including my new and broadened perspective of the world
around me. It is with confidence that I say that my experience with the Techs
is one I will carry with me for the rest of my life. And hopefully in time,
other travelers will be able to say the same.
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